Saying Thank You Properly Never Gets Old, Never Goes Out of Style

As an etiquette/protocol expert, I tend to get a lot of questions on how to properly say “thank you.” Most of the questions deal with the “when” and “how” of thanking someone.

Recent examples:

A friend of mine was invited by friends of hers to accompany them to a party at their boss’ house. She wanted to know if she should send the inviting friends an email the next day, thanking them for the great time, and send a handwritten note to the Host, for the same privilege.

She explained that she sees her friends every day. But was it OK to be more formal with one over the other?

Another friend – who is up there in age and very proper — asked me if it was OK to send a “thank you” for lunch to a friend via email because she had received an email from them when she got home. She felt that it would be strange not to mention it and redundant to write a formal note, as it was a casual lunch.

I think they both were right.

There are three rules to thank you’s:

1. Do say “thank you” … for a dinner, a lunch, a reference … just about anything that someone did for you.  It is impressive and well-received. It is a great tool to have in your personal and professional portfolio.
2. Say “thank you” in your own personal way, but in a way that is correct and appropriate. Try to have the “thank you” match the gesture. A handwritten note is very personal, always remembered and increasingly rare. Be sure to use the correct format and salutation. A quick email, a voicemail or even a thank you gift is also appropriate.
3. Do it now. The Dale Webb rule of thank you’s — the longer you wait, the longer it needs to be!

As I sit here, I realize I owe at least two thank you notes … so I must sign off!

Until next time,

Dale

The Protocol of E-mail

A situation arose that had me thinking about the protocol of e-mails.

Working with Person #1 on a project, I was sending her communications via e-mail regularly, thinking that only she would be reading them. I was wrong. While I was in a meeting with Person #2, she brought up some content she had read in my e-mails – to Person #1. Apparently, my e-mails had been forwarded to her without my knowledge.

I was caught off-guard. What was in those written messages was not meant to be seen or read by Person #2. Had I known Person #2 would be privy, I might have phrased some content differently or taken a different approach.

No worries. No damage was done. Whew! But it did make me think about the assumptions we make about e-mails, namely, “only the person I’m sending the e-mail to will see this message.”

Think about how many casual missives we shoot off each day. In reality, we have no idea where these words will end up. Will the president of the company see them? How about a board member, a stockholder, a reporter or someone who works for the competition?

The protocol of e-mails, as I learned with hands-on experience, is to draft and send as if complete strangers will possibly read your communications. Check your spelling and grammar; don’t use offensive language or off-color humor; don’t gossip or share unconfirmed information; don’t insult people or share confidential information.

If it is private, confidential or potentially damaging information that has to be delivered, pick up the phone or schedule a meeting. It is better to be safe than shocked, when your own e-mailed words rise up from the Internet ether to greet you – and possibly not in a good way!

Until next time, Dale

Can We Put Our Phones Down for One Day?

Recently, I was teaching a class of young professionals. When I told them we had no cell phones when I started my career, they could not understand how we did business.

No cell phones?! Oh, the humanity!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you already know that I have a major problem with how we manage our phones and how that management is affecting our personal relationships and possibly our effectiveness. At the heart of protocol and etiquette are relationships. And just how can you relate to the person in front of you when you’re too busy relating to the person on the other end of that WI-FI connection?

Simply put, you cannot relate to two people at the same time well. It’s not possible.

The class’ reaction to my being able to function – and be successful, no less – without the resources of a cell phone made me ponder, “Are we more or less effective with phone and e-mail, and what has suffered?”

Back in the day, so to speak, I did my work one task at a time. Either I was on the phone or writing a correspondence or creating a strategy or in a meeting or sending a package… It was always “or,” not “and.” Focused on the task at hand, I completed it and moved on to something else. Today, things don’t work like that, and personally, I think we are worse off for it.

We all do things simultaneously, not really giving our full attention to anything. As a protocol expert, this bothers me. I wonder if, as a wired, multi-tasking, not-fully-focused society, could we turn off our phones for a day?

Recently, this  challenge was actually discussed as a possibility for Lent, the period before Easter when some denominations encourage  people  to sacrifice a human pleasure or convenience to demonstrate their devotion. Many people who were interviewed on TV about this challenge set forth by a local priest were extremely reluctant to part with their cell phones for more than one day, much less for weeks during Lent. They would rather go without chocolate, TV or sleeping in. Interesting.

I believe if we parted ways with our phones for one day, we could focus.

Imagine  having one conversation at a time, taking care of a customer and not your phone call, driving and paying attention, actually typing a letter or sharing a meal or time with someone without being distracted, disconnected, and downright rude. Let’s reset our focus buttons.  Now, that would be progress!

Until next time,

Dale