I was called to work on a project that has just as many nooks and crannies as a full-time job. With my days crammed with professional, personal and volunteer responsibilities, I wondered how other people felt about volunteering. I mean, is it worth it?

So many things need fixing today – education, social services, healthcare, financial management, the environment – that one can easily get overwhelmed trying to figure out where to start, much less where to find the time to help.  And I’ve noticed the better you are at running your own life, the more in demand you are to help others. People look at well-organized, efficient folks as the holy grail of volunteerism.

On some days, it’s all I can do to find my shoes, but most people don’t know that! Ha!

So back to the question… is volunteering worth it? And if you are asked to volunteer, what is the etiquette of volunteering?

1)      I think if your heart speaks to a cause, be it animal safety, beach clean-up, park restoration, arts for the elderly or teaching children to read, you should find some time in your life to fulfill your heart. They are all important causes. I care deeply about the cause I’m volunteering for – encouraging reading among youth – which means I think every ounce of effort I’m giving is so worth it!

2)      However, I also think the etiquette of volunteering is this: Don’t sacrifice another element of your happiness just to volunteer. If something else in your life is going to suffer – your relationships, your children, your job, your health, your peace of mind – if you try to squeeze one more thing on to your plate, then volunteering can wait. Causes will always be there. Human beings and our planet will always need help, even if you can’t give your help until your children are in college or you are retired.

3)      Volunteering is not a job where you can be fired or laid off. In a majority of cases, the organization will not say you are not a good fit. But if you feel it’s not working then, by all means, submit a written and personal note of thanks before moving on to other opportunities. Don’t force it!

Until next time,

Dale

Recent examples:

A friend of mine was invited by friends of hers to accompany them to a party at their boss’ house. She wanted to know if she should send the inviting friends an email the next day, thanking them for the great time, and send a handwritten note to the Host, for the same privilege.

She explained that she sees her friends every day. But was it OK to be more formal with one over the other?

Another friend – who is up there in age and very proper — asked me if it was OK to send a “thank you” for lunch to a friend via email because she had received an email from them when she got home. She felt that it would be strange not to mention it and redundant to write a formal note, as it was a casual lunch.

I think they both were right.

There are three rules to thank you’s:

1. Do say “thank you” … for a dinner, a lunch, a reference … just about anything that someone did for you.  It is impressive and well-received. It is a great tool to have in your personal and professional portfolio.
2. Say “thank you” in your own personal way, but in a way that is correct and appropriate. Try to have the “thank you” match the gesture. A handwritten note is very personal, always remembered and increasingly rare. Be sure to use the correct format and salutation. A quick email, a voicemail or even a thank you gift is also appropriate.
3. Do it now. The Dale Webb rule of thank you’s — the longer you wait, the longer it needs to be!

As I sit here, I realize I owe at least two thank you notes … so I must sign off!

Until next time,

Dale

Working with Person #1 on a project, I was sending her communications via e-mail regularly, thinking that only she would be reading them. I was wrong. While I was in a meeting with Person #2, she brought up some content she had read in my e-mails – to Person #1. Apparently, my e-mails had been forwarded to her without my knowledge.

I was caught off-guard. What was in those written messages was not meant to be seen or read by Person #2. Had I known Person #2 would be privy, I might have phrased some content differently or taken a different approach.

No worries. No damage was done. Whew! But it did make me think about the assumptions we make about e-mails, namely, “only the person I’m sending the e-mail to will see this message.”

Think about how many casual missives we shoot off each day. In reality, we have no idea where these words will end up. Will the president of the company see them? How about a board member, a stockholder, a reporter or someone who works for the competition?

The protocol of e-mails, as I learned with hands-on experience, is to draft and send as if complete strangers will possibly read your communications. Check your spelling and grammar; don’t use offensive language or off-color humor; don’t gossip or share unconfirmed information; don’t insult people or share confidential information.

If it is private, confidential or potentially damaging information that has to be delivered, pick up the phone or schedule a meeting. It is better to be safe than shocked, when your own e-mailed words rise up from the Internet ether to greet you – and possibly not in a good way!

Until next time, Dale

No cell phones?! Oh, the humanity!

If you’ve been reading my blog, you already know that I have a major problem with how we manage our phones and how that management is affecting our personal relationships and possibly our effectiveness. At the heart of protocol and etiquette are relationships. And just how can you relate to the person in front of you when you’re too busy relating to the person on the other end of that WI-FI connection?

Simply put, you cannot relate to two people at the same time well. It’s not possible.

The class’ reaction to my being able to function – and be successful, no less – without the resources of a cell phone made me ponder, “Are we more or less effective with phone and e-mail, and what has suffered?”

Back in the day, so to speak, I did my work one task at a time. Either I was on the phone or writing a correspondence or creating a strategy or in a meeting or sending a package… It was always “or,” not “and.” Focused on the task at hand, I completed it and moved on to something else. Today, things don’t work like that, and personally, I think we are worse off for it.

We all do things simultaneously, not really giving our full attention to anything. As a protocol expert, this bothers me. I wonder if, as a wired, multi-tasking, not-fully-focused society, could we turn off our phones for a day?

Recently, this  challenge was actually discussed as a possibility for Lent, the period before Easter when some denominations encourage  people  to sacrifice a human pleasure or convenience to demonstrate their devotion. Many people who were interviewed on TV about this challenge set forth by a local priest were extremely reluctant to part with their cell phones for more than one day, much less for weeks during Lent. They would rather go without chocolate, TV or sleeping in. Interesting.

I believe if we parted ways with our phones for one day, we could focus.

Imagine  having one conversation at a time, taking care of a customer and not your phone call, driving and paying attention, actually typing a letter or sharing a meal or time with someone without being distracted, disconnected, and downright rude. Let’s reset our focus buttons.  Now, that would be progress!

Until next time,

Dale

In an attempt to make a purchase, I end up waiting instead. My young customer service representative is taking a personal call while I cool my well-soled heels. I’m ready to buy, and she’s chatting (on her cell), not with the customer who is standing right in front of her.

No other sales representative rushed to my aid. I waited.

So I had to ask – it is me or the phone?  Since this has happened to me twice in recent memory, I would be remiss if I didn’t try to turn the tide of poor customer service in my own small way.  (My second bad experience was being checked out as the sales associate took another call, attending to the phone client before finishing with me.)

For all of the many salespeople, managers, attendants and receptionists out there, I implore you, “put down the phone.” In previous blogs, I’ve written about the alluring pull of our phones, but there are few conversations that are more urgent than a waiting customer, who is intent upon purchasing something from your establishment.

When you chat with someone other than your customer, thoughts begin to form in the ignored person’s mind, which may sound a little like this:

-         Does he/she see me here?

-         Am I indicating that I need help? (Sigh loudly, tap foot, stare pointedly, smile weakly)

-         Am I invisible? (Check that I can see myself; yep, I’m here.)

-         What is she/he talking about that is more important than me?

-         Did they get any training?

-         Is it me or the phone?

-         How long will take me to get my item someplace else?

-         How many friends can I tell to never come here?

Certain assumptions come with shopping in high-end, well-regarded department stores, but really this basic premise of respect should apply to any environment. When a customer needs help, help them. Now. Not when your conversation comes to a close.

Until next time, Dale

“With the Super Bowl and March Madness around the corner, a lot of employees will be making bets with each other. I would like to speak to workplace experts about good betting etiquette in the workplace. Contact:…”

You can’t make this stuff up!

I thought about it briefly, and just for the sake of clarification, I wanted to address it. There is no such thing as good betting etiquette in the workplace. The workplace is not a place for making bets, wagers or any other type of money-stakes-odds type of negotiation, unless it has to do with the actual business of the organization.

So unless you work in a casino, at a racetrack or for a bookie, don’t bet in the workplace.

You would think some etiquette issues could be resolved with a simple moment’s thought as to whether or not this action makes sense. Apparently not.

I have a great sense of humor about these things most of the time, and I did chuckle briefly when I read this request. I thought about it in the context of “How drunk should one arrive at work after a long night of partying?” or “How many times should you proposition your boss’ significant other before begging off?” Sounds silly, doesn’t it? So does making bets in the workplace.

I am fully aware that many people do it, but there’s no etiquette rule in my book for it because it’s wholly inappropriate behavior that should not take place. However, for all of the hiring/firing supervisors out there, I can answer the question of “what is the proper etiquette for letting an employee go who spends too much of his/her time making bets in the workplace?”

Until next time, Dale

But when you stop – really, put down the phone and stop for a minute – and think, multi-tasking can be hazardous to your office, your job and your safety! Do we honestly think we are more efficient because we can do three things at once with our electronics?

If you’re a victim of multi-tasking, you’ve done one of the following in the past week or the past hour:

- sent an email off too soon because you were talking on the phone

- forgotten to spell check a document because you were also reading other emails and talking on the phone

- checked your email during a meeting and have not been able to follow the conversation (Spoiler! I am typing this while I am leaving a message on my cell phone)

- Texted or talked while driving

I have had staff jump out of the office to take every cell phone call, then tell me they are focused on what they are doing. Really?

Electronic multi-tasking seems to be second nature to anyone under 30, but I am not sure that they are as focused or efficient as their older counterparts. The younger set is very quick and skillful with tasks, but maybe not as thoughtful or thorough with detail and creative projects. It makes for a real dichotomy of work styles in offices where generational differences could lead to tension and low productivity. But I digress…

The true protocol of multi-tasking is this:

-          Driving while texting is dumb. Pull over and take care of your communications business.

-          Driving while talking on a cell phone is hazardous.

-          Facebooking, Tweeting, texting all day … where is our “thinking” time?

-          How thoughtful and respectful are we to the client, the customer or the task itself when we are doing all these things at once?

-          Do your tasks and focus on them; it takes less time.

-          Check your email at intervals, not every 15 seconds. They won’t evaporate.

-          Focus when on a conference call. Don’t be tempted to multi-task just because they can’t see you.

I once had a client that told me that if he did not allow his staff to bring their mail and computers to staff meetings they would never get everything done. I suggested that perhaps they would get more done and have shorter meetings if they left all of that behind and focused on the task at hand.

Novel idea.

Until next time,

Dale

The Palm Beach Post, one of my region’s major newspapers, recently ran an article in the Business section about the top annoyances of Americans. I was intrigued.

According to the reported survey conducted by Consumer Reports of 1,125 Americans, the top annoyances are led by “cell phone use by drivers.” It was followed in order by 2) incomprehensible bills, 3) dog poop, 4) unreliable internet service and 5) discourteous cell phone use.

Again with the cell phone use. In fact, cell phones made the list again at number 10 with “unreliable cell phone service.” We do love our cell phones since nowadays they are much more than a means to communicate. We track appointments, deadlines, loved ones, calories, finances and weather with our smart phones.

I admit that I have added to the smart phone revolution with my “Etiquette Avenue” iPhone application, so you can even check your protocol on the run. However, there are several rules surrounding cell phone use when it comes to manners and decorum. Just because we rely on these gadgets to keep track of our lives and personal connections doesn’t mean we can’t choose to manage them properly.

Since “cell phone use by drivers” made the number one spot in terms of what gets on our collective nerves the most, I can only attribute it to the fact that when other drivers are talking they aren’t paying attention, which means they can hurt us and/or themselves. A valid concern that we cannot do much about since we’re not in the car with other driver.

(I must add a “Bravo!” to those states that are clamping down on this with restrictions; driving while talking is only leading to driving while texting. We all need to work on only driving when we drive!)

But what about when we are in the car with a colleague or client who is chatting on their phone? What is the etiquette when you can’t help but listen in? A sticky situation to be sure.

What if you overhear a sensitive bit of information or private details? If it doesn’t concern you, do not mention it. It’s literally none of your business even it is within your earshot. Of course, the best etiquette is not to take a personal call where others can hear you. However, when perfection doesn’t occur, it is best to keep your eyes on the road and your mouth shut.

When your passenger returns their attention to you, offer up a safe, neutral topic, like “How about this weather?”

I’ll return to this Consumer Reports survey in upcoming blogs. There is much to talk about here.

Until next time, Dale

My team and I are etiquette gurus from Miami with lots of interesting and diverse tales to tell.

So during holiday seasons past, we have garnered our fair share of “tales from the field,” and we know the best ways for you to survive the seemingly never-ending party/get-together circuit without being hounded by the boring, the depressed or the egomaniacs on the guest list:

• Wear comfortable shoes, so you will not be tempted sit down. If you sit, you will usually attract those that don’t want to get in there and mix it up, the shy or the bored/boring.
• Avoid hanging out at the bar. That is where you may get stuck with the drunks or the clingers!
• Don’t stay near the door; that’s where those that are trying to escape hang out!

We tell our clients to be on the lookout and avoid these if they can:
The Clinger: Be prepared and make plans ahead to pass them off, perfect your cough or ask if they know the symptoms for swine flu!

The Drunk: This person is the easiest to spot, avoid and/or escape. They will not be offended if you leave them because they probably won’t notice. They usually stay close to the bar (one reason not to do that yourself), are often loud, and sloppy.

The Know-it-All: They move around always talking a lot, maybe gesturing through their conversations. So, if possible, introduce the “Know It All” to “The Politician.” You can always use your handshake and your best “Nice to meet you,” “I have a dinner engagement,” and/or “Let’s catch up later” on them.

Your Best Friend: Clear this ahead, but if you are at a business party, do not spend the entire time with your best friends or relatives. Circulate!

The Politician: I am a political junkie myself, but you may want to do a quick hello and then deliver an “I don’t want to monopolize you” line and move on or introduce them to “The Know It All” (see above).

Final thought:

Never avoid the boss, but do NOT monopolize the boss!

Happy Holidays! Until next year,

Dale

I developed the upgrade with this question in mind, “how does one look competent and professional while wrestling with barbeque ribs, corn on the cob or artichokes?” It happens. Not every corporate dinner is chicken breast under sauce.

At the heart of the upgrade, and etiquette as a whole, is our universal desire to be accepted, respected and capable — no matter what the situation.

I can’t imagine anyone, but the most confident souls, laughing off soup on the chin or salad greens stuck in their teeth, especially at a client dinner.  So if the hostess serves corn on the cob at your boss’ home, and you’re thinking, “is this a test?” — here’s the cheat sheet.

Learn more about the upgrade and the Etiquette Avenue app at The Protocol Centre’s press room or at my website. Happy Eating and Happy Holidays!

Until next time, Dale